5 things that can infuriate at the September Apple presentation
Apple will show how it is impossible to announce the smartphones.
Tim cook has been steadily implementing a sickening premiere gadgets. He’s stalling, shaking the air with empty adjectives, inviting boring speakers and in General does everything that the audience wanted to cut down the stream.
But people still gobble every word cook – apparently, the fans expect to see something brilliant. For example, a presentation that will not yield the level of the release of their debut iPhone.
It’s time to admit: it’s impossible. All events Tim – monotonic action, which can include only a background, like some boring podcast.
To follow online was not so sad, I’ve prepared a guide to the most vile moments in the gathering of followers of Apple.
You can even play bingo by crossing off all predictions that come true.
1. Hysterical applause
Just imagine: Tim appears in front of journalists and top managers, makes for a dramatic pause, and then pulls out his phone and says – my friends, iPhone 7s, and it’s magical, amazing, stunning, phenomenal.
On the screen at this point flashes a slide with a phone that will look exactly the same as the iPhone 7. And as the iPhone 6s. And as the iPhone 6.
Know what will happen at this point? Naturally, the hall explodes with applause. Long known that the presentation of the Apple name is the most loyal of loonies, ready sincerely to scream, even when they show frankly mediocre products. These guys have no pride, no sense of beauty, it is important to see a thing with your favorite logo, and the rest – do not care.
So be prepared in advance to ensure that the view will resemble the absorption of cheap moronic Comedy with a laugh track. Only here the role of artificial laughter would be inappropriate clapping.
2. Fantastic stats on the App Store
Tim likes to brag about the successes of the app store. And programs there vermillion, and viruses there, and the developers cut down a lot of money – if you listen to cook, you might think that the App Store is perfect.
In reality everything is different: now the shop is littered stronger than it Kryptonite.
Dozens of virtual spinners, pseudoscience streaming services, unfinished Chinese game, medical apps level “Find out the sex of the baby” – a shame to speak about the triumph of the Store when in the market going such a mess.
In addition, Apple still hesitate to throw from boutiques unoptimized APPA. that are not suitable for the screen of the iPhone 7 Plus.
Why do they stretch? You just have to drive such a slag from the App Store, otherwise lazy developers have not moved.
3. Five minutes about smilies
All accustomed to the fact that with every iOS update Apple adds new Emoji. In September, for example, the system integrates a sad piece of shit is really a global event.
Normal people understand that I walk-through, mindless and purely entertaining topic. Therefore, in the presentation you can display a slide with all of the new emoticons, and then move on to the next item in the program is the most sensible solution.
But no. Tim will definitely bring up some lady who will poke at your iPhone, sending all the smileys in a row and commenting on each icon.
Then Emoji will end, and aunt will demonstrate a set of paid stickers for iMessage. They may be funny, but them no one uses – at least from my environment. And from the environment of my surroundings. And from the environment the environment my environment.
Why to devote as much time to smilies and stickers – is unclear. However, the important thing is that the slaves that Apple will fill the hall, laugh heartily.
4. Hitting the Android
Tim cook is surprisingly monotonous. I bet he’ll stick the competitors in two ways.
First, show the chart and will record that people with iOS 10 times more than users of Android 7 fresh.
Second, will roll out on the projector’s statistics for virus: on Android a lot of them on iOS – units.
Such manipulation is cook does every September. Would come up with something new – no longer impress these obvious disadvantages.
5. P – predictability
It is obvious that everyone is waiting for the anniversary of the iPhone – frameless, super and all brand new.
I think I already know how it proanonsirovat.
“The best smartphone that we have ever created” – get ready for this banal phrase.
Increased question: what, how could it be otherwise? This is the flagship of the flagships, and have to get better every year.
Does Apple not understand such simple things?